No one's asked me, but if they did...

I've not been contacted by anyone from ESPN, CNN, MSNBC, or even Fox to rant publicly on the matter of Michael Vick v. dog fighting (shocking, I know) but if they did contact me, here's what I would suggest:

Michael Vick, there are three objective truths about you: 1) You are a fantastic football player. 2) You make a lot of money. 3) You made very poor decisions and did not value creatures who are affectionally labeled "Man's Best Friend". In sum, you were an ass. I am not often a fan of using such profane language in my blog regardless of how I might speak in real life, but I think there are some circumstances for which it is necessary. A classification such as "jerk" doesn't quite cut it. I digress.

President Obama recently phoned the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles praising him on recruiting Vick to his team. I understand the larger picture might have been addressing the difficulties many prisoners face when returning from their sentences, but Obama must realize his conversations are magnified for a country, a world to hear. I am sure this isn't news to him and I quite like Obama most of the time, but choosing Vick's recent employment as a forum to address a larger issue was wholly inappropriate in my humble opinion.

While I do not generally subscribe to the old eye for an eye adage, I do think the criminal justice system could stand to shed its myopic lens. Serving time should be only part of a criminal's sentence. For example, while I appreciate that Vick was forced to serve his time, I frankly don't think he should be allowed to play professional football again. I realize his crime had little to do with football, however Vick's fame could be utilized in so many beneficial ways for the anti-dog fighting community (this includes most of us, I hope).

For starters, employ Vick to speak in areas where dog fighting is presumed to be prevalent. He could join forces with or spearhead an organization dedicated to the rescue and rehabilitation of dog fighting victims. Use his celebrity to thwart the very crime he committed. People are sure to listen more closely to him than an individual whom they've never met and frankly don't care about. While I haven't gone to law school, I am certain this isn't a novel concept.

We live in a country where Paris Hilton is more popular than Hilda Solis-have you ever heard of her? She is our country's Secretary of Labor and has done incredible work for our country. And yet, if either woman were slated to speak on an issue, whose presentation will be better attended? Michael Vick would be the perfect face of anti-animal cruelty campaign. He is currently working on the Michael Vick Project (watch it here: http://www.bet.com/video/888718), which I do appreciate. In the show opener, he states that part of his work in the project is to restore his family's good name. This irks me-Vick, it's about facing your terrible choices and taking responsibility for reaching others who share your pastime. Regardless, I am glad he is working with the Humane Society but he should be devoting all of his time to this.

Anyhow, America, think about it. Or at least the 3 people who read my blog. :)

From the Law-ish Offices of J.M. Krause.

A 2010 Reflection

I am finding vacation difficult because I have this innate drive to be productive and multitask my life away, so this couch sitting, trashy tv watching, online (window) shopping is getting old in a hurry. As such, I have decided that I should attend to my blog as a means of feigning productivity. Hello, blog.

Since I am a big fan of "the list", I am going to pay homage to 2010 with a series of them. A list of lists. A meta-list. Not to be confused with the Mentalist. Perhaps to be combined with being mental. Or metal.

I am going to reflect on this year with my 5 most embarrassing moments. No one really wants to hear about accomplishments anymore-those are lame and commonplace. I mean, EVERYONE wins the Boston Marathon at some point in their lives.

In no particular order:

1. Falling flat on my face in the middle of an airport after neglecting to realize that the people mover stopped moving this person

2. Accidentally calling my boyfriend's dad a pervert. In Spanish.

3. Falling multiple times in several soccer games-completely unprovoked by person or sports equipment

4. Hired as a "curriculum expert" with fancy degrees and half-degrees-first day on the job (and much to my IT boyfriend's chagrin) I lock myself out of the computer and network twice. I also fail a handful of HR quizzes. Oops.

5. The Homeslice Incident. I don't think I can properly report on this-just know it was BAD. And gross.

Here's a top 3 list of my moments of disbelief:

1. Student answering her cell phone in my class. I clearly cannot get over this.

1.5 Holding 1/4th of a boa constrictor. Holyfreakingcrap.

2. Witnessing a bird eating an apple whole

Giant, prehistoric bird jumping 2 feet in the air to ingest a whole apple

3. Having an entire vodka cranberry drink dumped on me in a game of air basketball at a club in Ft. Lauderdale. This was surprising because a) I wasn't playing the game; b) I wasn't aware of the game as I was dancing up a storm to Beyonce; c) my sweet little cousin Alyssa (WHO IS PHOTOGRAPHED IN THE BOA PIC) did it. She was thoroughly embarrassed. I thought it was hilarious.

Favorite internet finds of 2010 (oft with help of friends):

1. http://www.dearblankpleaseblank.com/

2. http://whenparentstext.com/

3. http://video.nytimes.com/

4. http://twitter.com/mindykaling

I don't think this blog can be any more random-this is what happens when my thought patterns aren't guided by Bill Powers. Save me from myself!

An aside on this arbitrary rant-this is the weirdest time of year: the manic rush of holiday cheer and the post-Christmas denouement. It feels like 24 five year olds had an arts and crafts party and all that's left are the remnants of glitter, empty glue sticks, and paper scraps. Trying to find motivation somewhere buried in the discarded sequins.

**This blog was typed with the help of one Tabitha Cameron Martinez. Rather, this blog was nearly deleted by TCM as she draped herself across my laptop at an inopportune time.

Photo taken pre-attempted blog assassination

Trick or treat!

My inspiration: this wizard needs not an introduction

His inspiration: Aaron Behrens from Ghostland Observatory

How did we do? :)

Sweet Skylar (6-7-03 to 10-23-10)

I have dedicated so many posts to this pup-she might have been my most popular blog topic. Some time around 9:00 this morning, we lost her. I had my hand pressed against her chest and felt her heartbeat slowly fade away. It was...well, I can't even think of a word to describe the experience. I will say that I feel grateful that I was here with her when she passed. Bobby and I were both on the floor with her petting her.

Her passing was both expected and not. I knew she had been fighting a brain tumor for over a year, so when she defied the 3-4 month life span she was given upon initial diagnosis, I felt that she might be invincible.

Because I don't have children, Skylar is all I have ever known in that capacity. I/we faithfully gave her medicine twice a day, fed her, bathed her, pet her, walked her, etc. I know I gave her a good life, but I am still left feeling guilty. When I came home from school yesterday, I told myself I would walk her. I never got around to it because I started working on other projects. I really wish I had taken the 10 minutes out to go on what would have been our final walk together.

I want to thank so many of you who have been great friends to Skylar, humans and animals alike. You have brought joy, laughter and friendship to us both. I still remember how Danielle's dog Ashes tricked Skylar out of her bedroom so she could tip over her entire food container and eat a month's worth of food. I remember how Katie's dog Gomez literally supported Skylar on a walk around Town Lake after she was recovering from anesthesia. Skylar was wobbling on the trail and Gomez walked right next to her, making sure she didn't fall. I remember Elric's dog Ladybird and how my dog would ignore all of the dogs all the dog park unless she happened to see Bird. They would both wags their tails furiously at each other. Then, Skylar would go back to ignoring all other dogs. I remember the good times with Ashley's dog Colby and how Colby showed Skylar how to sunbathe. I remember Davy coming to visit and our trip to Amy's ice cream with Sky where Skylar's whipped cream consumption surpassed my own. She kept licking her nose in hopes that another bit would appear if she licked long enough. I remember the first day Skylar met Bobby and when he bent down to say hi to him, she licked his cheek. Most dogs are fairly liberal in their kisses, but Sky would never kiss anyone but me. I knew then that Bobby was special.

Skylar was always the first to greet me when I walked in the door. I would see her standing near the window and she would be looking for me. When I came home, she would sit in front of me, demanding for me to get close enough to her so she could understand my day through the new and previously classified smells I acquired. When she was still alive, I would try to imagine life without her. I felt it would be a good exercise because I knew her time was limited. Today was the first day I came home and she didn't greet me. I knew she wouldn't be here because I was returning from the vet. I just didn't realize how impactful it would be to enter a house where she is no longer.

The house seems quiet now. There aren't any paws tapping against the hardwood planks. They say that time heals all, and I suppose it does. She was my first dog outside of family dogs we've owned. Skylar enriched my life is ways that I never even imagined. She was my constant companion through some of the more challenging times in my life. I will miss her beyond describable emotions. Loss is never easy, but I am having a particularly difficult time with it. A friend sent along this poem and I found it very comforting.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special to them who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together...

– Author unknown

Bear Skin Rugs

Hello readers (aka Mom and some rando stalker on the net who stumbled upon my blog),

You might think it odd that I, a tree-hugging bleeding heart liberal, vegetarian, Care Bear Staring kind of girl would be writing about bear skin rugs. Well, I'm not.

I'm writing about the day I ate my hat. It happened about 75 seconds ago. And it sort of has to do with bear skin rugs.

So Bobby and I are talking and having one of our many ridiculous conversations where it starts with him accusing me as suffering from Vanishing Twin Syndrome because I am left-handed. He suggested that I might have been born along with a small cyst with teeth and hair that once was my twin sibling. Disclaimer: DON'T GOOGLE THIS IMAGE-YOU WILL THROW UP IMMEDIATELY. A) Just to assuage any fear, I was clearly not birthed with such a disgusting creature and B) basically, the theory (which has been debunked) is that some left-handed people were twins...look, I am not a scientist. Read here if you are actually interested in this: http://neuroemotional.com/wb/pages/vanishing-twin-syndrome.php

The point is that I never had a twin; and if I did, it definitely wasn't a small disgusting cyst with teeth and hair. I digress.

The direction of our riveting conversation turning into creating a website for cute things (read: NOT that gross mutant twin thing) where users can summon objects they wish to see together. I am looking at Bobby incredulously and asked him, "Like what? Give me an example." He said, "You know, like toddlers on bear skin rugs crawling towards kittens." I immediate disregarded his example "In what world do toddlers exist on bear skin rugs? Who are you, Sarah Palin?" With my trusty Macbook in my lap, I said, "Look, I'll even prove it to you." I type in "toddlers on bear skin rugs" onto the search box and this is where I ate my hat.

I mean, COME ON! Have you ever heard of this? Me neither. But, apparently it's the number one freaking hit on Google. I swear Bobby planned this somehow. In any event, I was wrong, I haven't posted anything in my blog lately, so I though this madness was worthy of a post.

Good night, Neverland.

It's been a while...

Sorry, sorry, sorry! I think I am mostly apologizing to myself for ignoring my own blog. I will be better now, I promise! You see, I had a LOT going on. A lot. Two words.

First and foremost, I am officially getting my PhD at UT. I passed my comprehensive doctoral qualifying exams (woo!) and now it's smooth sailing... Yeah right! It's actually research and work my life away until I'm too old to get a job, but at least I'll emerge with a fancy piece of paper and some nuggets of information. Like three.

Reflecting on P nasty (as I've lovingly nicknamed Prospectus), it was one hell of a ride. The student I was last fall compared to the student I am this fall seems like two different people. I have learned and grown and sweat and suffered and cried and stressed-then, I sang (eek) and danced and made friends and got hugs and laughed and played soccer and took baths and drank wine and did yoga and drank 7,578,678 diet cokes and gained 3 pounds. Or maybe 10. Whatever. The point is that it was a journey. The point is that one year is a long time. The point is that one year is a short time. The point is that I'm done.

And, all at once, my world has changed. For starters, my house has new beautiful floors. You probably can't tell from my crappy laptop camera pic, but they are lovely. My dog and cat are still trying to navigate them. It's funny to hear the tap tap tap of the pets' nails on the flooring as they approach. No more sneaking up on me, Tabitha, and attacking my shoes! Speaking of nails, I got a pedicure today. They, too, are lovely and were slightly less expensive than my floors. Also, my kitchen walls look green, but they are not. Just in case anyone is judging right now. :D

Other new developments: Bobby and I got a roommate (our friend Bryan). This is very new, so what I have to report thus far is: I live in a constant man-cave with feminine decor. Last night I forced them to sit down with me and watch Gossip Girl. I think they liked it, but were afraid to admit it. :) Bryan is an excellent cook and inspires Bobby to create culinary wonders, so my 10 lbs may stretch to 15 soon. At least these next five will be from home cooked made-from-scratch biscuits and not cortisol-induced stress!

I am teaching 2 new sections (one at UT, one at ACC). The grading is killing me already, but I love my students. I always do. It's so much fun getting to know 28 new students every semester so well that I remember every student I've ever had. I still remember some of their majors, interests, life experiences, too. I feel very fortunate that I've had such incredible students. Speaking of which, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the recent shooting at UT. What a horrific experience for anyone, and especially hitting us so close to home. A testament to my students, though. They seemed to possess compassion when reflecting on the experience, unlike some of the other responses I observed from other students and members of our community. A distasteful Facebook fan page was created for the student who committed suicide (Colton), and several of my students protested the page, arguing that his family and community needed prayers, respect, and love instead of what this page was representing. Another proud moment for me. A very sad day for UT-Austin.

I would like to end on a happy note, since I hope this is one of many posts for this semester. In my Mindfulness class today, my professor showed us a clip and a quote. I'm including both for whomever reads this.

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe", a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security." -Albert Einstein

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wktlwCPDd94&feature=related

Wikipedia at its Finest

In the opening verse, Sir Mix-A-Lot professes his affinity for large buttocks and his inability to conceal this fact from others. He goes on to describe other desirable physical attributes such as a trim waistline, tight fitting garments, and unblemished skin. Though the song does not contain a distinct narrative, the author does visit upon recurrent themes such as female body image as depicted in media, male attitudes towards dating and relationships, and the author’s own sexual prowess.

In later verses he expresses his exasperation with the entertainment industry’s portrayal of the ideal female form. He soundly rejects the notion promulgated by fashion magazines that diminutive buttocks are more desirable. His critique of the women that appeared in contemporary music videos is particularly scathing, likening their appearance to those of prostitutes. To further illustrate his point, he stipulates the purported ideal proportions of 36-24-36 (measuring the bust, waist, and hip diameter respectively) would only be pleasing on women with a standing height no greater than 63 inches.

Mix-A-Lot also briefly touches upon the roles that ethnicity, nutrition, and physical fitness play in determining the shape and size of the female buttocks. He recommends that any exercises performed should be limited to the abdominal area. He cautions against a fitness routine strenuous enough to diminish the heft of the gluteal muscles. Though he offers no broad dietary guidelines, Mix-A-Lot contends that the dish “red beans and rice” is an important food staple for maintaining a healthy buttocks.

Various lyrics address the fact that some men find no intrinsic value in large buttocks and consequently express disinterest. Mix-A-Lot makes clear that he would eagerly strike up relations with any woman overlooked or discarded by such men. The remainder of the narrative is fleshed out with the author’s various attempts to entice women into enjoying a ride in his luxury automobile, presumably in exchange for sexual favors.

Thanks, Caelie, for sharing. :)

The Love Fern

This will be a short one because I am actually supposed to be preparing to teach on Monday, submitting my prospectus, and getting my life in order. In that order.

The short of it is this: I suck at succulents. No matter how hard I try, I kill them. I am really good at ivy and have managed to sustain life for about 6 plants. I've had one of them for 2 years and she's still going strong! I digress...

After my latest murder, I decided I needed to fill the pot and try my hand at a different species. Bobby and I were out running errands and I begged him to let me visit the plants. He gave me a look that said "Are you sure?" I replied with a look that said "Yes, I promise not to kill another innocent plant."

As we approach the plants, I begin to get excited. I don't know where this semi-green thumb came from, but I won't fight it. Now we're standing in front of tons of potted beauties and Bobby asks in a sing-songy voice, "Okay, which one of you want to die tooo-dayy?" Once I make my selection, he starts humming the funeral march. Hmph! Here's the newest addition-let's see if I can work my magic with Pina (she looks like a pineapple)! Wish us luck!

Summer Sports

Things I am doing this summer:

Messy, sweaty soccer team (currently UNDEFEATED!!!!!!)

Happiness is a Warm Goal.

You expected this sport, though, didn't you? Play-offs are next Tuesday, come watch us kick some ASSC butt!

Dancing! (definitely a sport-especially with THAT guy). :)

Weddings-also a sport. Probably the most challenging sport of the summer because of the e-m-o-t-i-o-n-s. So many of them...everywhere!! Charlotte and Jeremy got married and it was lovely and they are lovely. Charlotte was the most hilarious bride ever. See exhibit A (photo).

Boating, also a legit sport. Especially when I am the captain

(which I obviously was NOT-don't drink and drive, friends)!

Sloshball...sport of the summer! We've played it thrice and I'm sure someone will squeeze in a final round of it somehow! Here are a few more sloshball pics cause they're funny!

Yes, these boys are tough soccer players by night, slutty sloshball players by day.

Seems counterintuitive, no?

Things I am NOT doing this summer:

Working on Prospectus

Writing my Program Evaluation paper that is due tomorrow.

Being productive.

Remembering I am 30.

Cartoons for grown-ups

Hi friends,

I use this cartoonist's work about his adventures with the protagonist of Tales of Mere Existence, Lev Yilmatz, in the learning frameworks class I teach at UT . In my humble (but incredibly valid) opinion (since you ARE reading my blog), he is quite clever. Your sense of humor should be fairly dry to consume these clips, so you may want to run yourself through the medium heat cycle for 30 minutes just in case.

This clip makes a simple, but powerful point regarding procrastination: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P785j15Tzk

Here are three of my other favorite clips from him; some are less appropriate for academic usage:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmecyCCdknk&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfK7l2PcLjA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FomroPMOKvg&NR=1

**I should mention that the language in the depression clip gets rather rough. Just pretend it's a a flock of rainbow-colored unicorns instead. :D

Enjoy!

Jaimie