My Life As a Dog...Owner, Part Deux

Remember when I owned a dog again? Me neither.

Rufus Wagwright (nee Tony) has been returned to his owner who was very grateful to have him. The owner who is apparently sweet to him and doesn't do any of the things he was purported to do by some huge rando guy the owner doesn't know. What a weird situation.

In some ways, I am happy about this. Okay, in almost all ways. Tony is incredibly energetic and was starting to stress me out! I liken the experience to any time I get all baby/dog crazy...borrow someone else's for a day. After a good 24 hours of putting up with someone else's ____ without that maternal (paternal for the fellas) instinct that activates when you wonder why you reproduced/adopted in the first place and reminds you that ___ is yours= GOOD birth control.

I admit that with an entity relying upon me for life, I was getting a little anxious and feeling a little less free. Maybe I am too selfish to be a mom? Do some moms wonder this too? Maybe I should have gotten knocked up before I became all self-aware. Wow - this blog got all free associated in a hurry. Thanks, Freud. Back to the thing that's funny...

The good news is that Tony is home with his rightful owner. Bryan (my roommate) stopped by to talk to his owner and orchestrated the exchange once he got the "he is not a psycho dog beater" nod of approval. The owner was SO grateful for our (read: my) good care of Tony (he got a freaking bath yesterday, 20 minutes of fetch, a martini pedi/mani/facial/massage) that he offered to reward us. With cash. Because Bryan is gainfully employed, he denied the offer. If it were me in Bryan's shoes, I would have already replaced my lost APA Manual. Just sayin'.

Instead of money, the owner suggested we visit his place of employment - VIP access, free everything!

"Awesome, Bryan! Where is it?"

"The Yellow Rose"

"Like the place where girls dance nakies?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

As my sister's boyfriend noted, no good deed goes unpunished.

Moral of the story: If you want VIP access to a strip club, save (steal) someone else's dog and then pretend you are the hero for rescuing it from its happy life for no reason.

No one's asked me, but if they did...

I've not been contacted by anyone from ESPN, CNN, MSNBC, or even Fox to rant publicly on the matter of Michael Vick v. dog fighting (shocking, I know) but if they did contact me, here's what I would suggest:

Michael Vick, there are three objective truths about you: 1) You are a fantastic football player. 2) You make a lot of money. 3) You made very poor decisions and did not value creatures who are affectionally labeled "Man's Best Friend". In sum, you were an ass. I am not often a fan of using such profane language in my blog regardless of how I might speak in real life, but I think there are some circumstances for which it is necessary. A classification such as "jerk" doesn't quite cut it. I digress.

President Obama recently phoned the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles praising him on recruiting Vick to his team. I understand the larger picture might have been addressing the difficulties many prisoners face when returning from their sentences, but Obama must realize his conversations are magnified for a country, a world to hear. I am sure this isn't news to him and I quite like Obama most of the time, but choosing Vick's recent employment as a forum to address a larger issue was wholly inappropriate in my humble opinion.

While I do not generally subscribe to the old eye for an eye adage, I do think the criminal justice system could stand to shed its myopic lens. Serving time should be only part of a criminal's sentence. For example, while I appreciate that Vick was forced to serve his time, I frankly don't think he should be allowed to play professional football again. I realize his crime had little to do with football, however Vick's fame could be utilized in so many beneficial ways for the anti-dog fighting community (this includes most of us, I hope).

For starters, employ Vick to speak in areas where dog fighting is presumed to be prevalent. He could join forces with or spearhead an organization dedicated to the rescue and rehabilitation of dog fighting victims. Use his celebrity to thwart the very crime he committed. People are sure to listen more closely to him than an individual whom they've never met and frankly don't care about. While I haven't gone to law school, I am certain this isn't a novel concept.

We live in a country where Paris Hilton is more popular than Hilda Solis-have you ever heard of her? She is our country's Secretary of Labor and has done incredible work for our country. And yet, if either woman were slated to speak on an issue, whose presentation will be better attended? Michael Vick would be the perfect face of anti-animal cruelty campaign. He is currently working on the Michael Vick Project (watch it here: http://www.bet.com/video/888718), which I do appreciate. In the show opener, he states that part of his work in the project is to restore his family's good name. This irks me-Vick, it's about facing your terrible choices and taking responsibility for reaching others who share your pastime. Regardless, I am glad he is working with the Humane Society but he should be devoting all of his time to this.

Anyhow, America, think about it. Or at least the 3 people who read my blog. :)

From the Law-ish Offices of J.M. Krause.