Dave Matthews encourages crashing into me, not peeing onto me

So, tonight's Dave Matthews concert was eventful, to say the least.  The Krause family is in the northeast for the week and we attended the DMB concert in Saratoga Springs, NY.  We arrived at 12:30 for a 7:00 show and proceeded to pre-party for a good 6.5 hours.  We were concert-going in celebration of my sweet cousin Alyssa's 21st birthday.  She will always be 7 to me, so it's weird to see her do adult things.  In other news, I am fairly certain I consumed my weight in cookies and chips.  I digress.

There was frisbee tossing, dizzy bats (we have a video of this), and beer pong.  I am continually shocking myself with my poor athletic prowess these days, and frisbee offered no respite.  It rained most of the day and the frisbee was covered in mud.  So, after about 5 minutes of tossing with my brother, I counted about 7 mud streaks on the backs of legs, arms, and otherwise clean t-shirts of passers-by.  Dizzy bats is a delightful game where a whiffle ball bat's bottom enclosure is removed and filled with a beer.  The batter must consume the beer as quickly as possible, and the onlookers count the seconds it takes for the beer's consumption.  Then, the batter must bend down and touch his or her forehead to the tip of the bat and spin in a circle for as many seconds as it took them to finish their beer.  Finally, the batter must enter a "ready to hit" stance immediately after completing said rotations so that the empty beer (already squashed into a makeshift ball by a generous fan) can be pitched to the batter.  This game requires much more talent than one might think.  It is very difficult to stand up straight after chugging a beer and spinning, much less gain the capacity to see straight to hit a "ball".  My brother swiftly missed the beer can and performed a little consolation lap around all of the fans.  It was comical and I nearly fell into the same pile of mud my poor frisbee found multiple times.

Finally, it was time to enter the concert grounds and the 15 of us all shuffle and find an empty space of lawn.  My resourceful sister thought to purchase plastic ponchos and the under-prepared individuals (myself included) were very thankful to have a barrier between the mud and themselves.  I spent the majority of the show singing, dancing, taking ridiculous photos, wondering why Dave Matthews never sneezed, which led me to wonder why I have never heard a rock star sneeze on stage before, and so forth.  Now, get ready for it; here's the ohshit! moment: Time travel back to two-thirds of the way through this concert with me.  Ashley (my sister) and I are standing on the decline of the lawn hill and singing Ants Marching.  All of the sudden, Ashley turns around and says "What the f_ _ _??!!?!" and hits this kid in the chest.  Before I could inquire what happened, I felt a warm stream of liquid on my foot.  I look down and notice that this kid's weiner is outside of his shorts.  It was that moment I realized that Ash and I had just been the recipients of his urine stream.  I turned around and parroted Ashley's "What the f_ _ _?!?! but I added a "d bag" and a few other choice words for him.  People around us (his friends included) slowly start to realize what has happened.  The best part is that the peeing piece of shit is completely denying his crime as he is zippering his shorts.  My sister's hand and dress were speckled with his leakage and my foot still displayed the evidence.  His friends immediately begin to apologize while he continues to deny the episode.  I argued with him for a minute or two and told him to get lost before I punch him in the face.  I capitalized on my acting skills because (as you might have guessed) I am bubbling over with giggles inside of me.  I feign a furious stance and his friends shield him.  I turn to Ashley, who is absolutely fuming with wrists curled into fists and I try to make light of the situation.  "This will be hilarious in three days" I promise her.  

As I am consoling my soiled sibling, my brother notices that the urinator is flicking his sisters off.  He turns around and says to him "I am a Navy Seal and I will kill you.  Get the hell out of here right now."  The dodo hides behind a few of his friends, but remains in our sights.  The inside joke behind this is that my brother has been inventing convenient careers through the trip.  He was a Harvard educated biochemist, an MIT engineering student, and an international financial analyst God, so his Navy Seal proclamation made me laugh even harder.  Still, Ash and I spent the rest of the time trying to join the happy energy of the concert, but it was useless.  I finally got Ash to start smiling as the last song was being performed.  

On our way out of the park, we kept coming up with all of the best comebacks we should have employed had we been prepared for this.  Ashley was finally able to join in the laugher and came up with a few responses of her own.  However, my favorite one, by far, is credited to my brother who says, "I should have said nothing.  I should have walked 2 feet uphill, stood behind him, and peed on him."  When the kid turns around to protest, my brother would have shrugged it off and denied the whole thing whilst zipping up his pants.

It is 1:00 am and Ash practically ran into the shower, dress and all, while I (your dedicated blogger) stayed to report this ground-breaking event to you.  It is my turn to now de-germ.  Yawn.  Maybe tonight I will get some sleep.  I have seen Dave probably 5 times now, but this is my first golden shower at the show.  

<3