Hoarding by any other name...let's not kid ourselves

Once upon a time, a girl lived in her sister's house. For three years. Without her sister in it. It soon became her house, but she was blessed with the belongings of past inhabitants. Five years worth of things like "Kiss me, I'm Irish" twinkle lights and 7 bottles of Febreze.  Interestingly, the girl had never purchased a bottle of Febreze in her life and found an aisle's worth under several sinks. She is also not Irish.

So, the time came for the girl to pack up her home and become Jess, Zooey Dechanel's character from New Girl. Minus the amazing hair and vintage wardrobe, this is essentially me:

In order to raid the couch of three sweet, accommodating boys, I have to box my belongings. Even though there are many items that are not mine, there are also several that I cannot blame on anyone else. Like the 37 wrought iron candle holders and 67 picture frames. And more wicker baskets than any single person should have in a 1,700 sq. ft. space. Those are all me.

Now, deep in the red cells of the Krause blood lies a special condition which, like teen pregnancy, has been slightly romanticized in today's society. Yes, I'm referring to hoarding. Not like dead cats stashed behind the tv hoarder (did you see that episode too? AWFUL), but more like Idon'thavethatexactshadeofpalepinknailpolishandit'sonsale hoarding.  

The extent to which I may or may not hoard isn't as important as the degree to which travel-sized tissue packages flood my sizable array of toiletries. The worst part? I don't even use them. Tissues - yes, I use those. Travel-sized packages? Where did these come from?? Who am I? Have you seen my baseball?

Maybe my fiance thinks I am a hoarder. Maybe he has set up tests opportunities for me to rid myself of items such as the delightfully whimsical throw pillows that perfectly matched my guest room bedding by giving them to my housekeeper. Just to see what I would do. Well, I will have you know - philanthropist that I am (minus that whole wealth component) - I am quite generous with my belongings. In fact, I have invited many people over in hopes of redistributing the wealth. In fact, I ought to be named the Robin Hood of our generation. See? My collecting just needed some slight reframing. Now I am a hero. With a few extra flower pots. Like 20.

The Evolution of a Snowball Fight

AND THEN JAIMIE ATTACKS YOU WITH ALL OF HER MIGHT

I am knowledge!

Okay maybe not but we can talk when you end up being thanked (WITH A PHOTO) on someone's professional development training. Teehee! Actually, I was really honored to help Dr. Russ Hodges with his training on the ways emotions impact learning math. His lecture looks fantastic!

Thoughts on a Monday

Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate.

One of my students shared this with me, and I really like it. It's in line with another great one:

When people show you who they are the first time, believe them.

Is this a cryptic message summarizing my life in any way right now? Nope - just random thoughts on a Monday.

Have a great week!

Professors Meme

This is a quickie because I am in the midst of writing Chapter 4 of my Dissertation (vomit). I wholeheartedly agree with this, minus the scantily-clad coed draped across the desk. I don't think my colleagues think I do that.

From one Redditor to Another

I stole this from Reddit because it gives me hope - written from someone, with whom (on the surface), I share few commonalities:

Title: An Open Letter to the Republican National Committee: I am your demographic and you've lost my vote

I am your demographic.

I am a white, middle-class, male, 40-something. white collar, family man, a son of immigrants, former military, patriot, and raised Catholic. I have voted Republican in almost every primary and election since I turned 18. That means I voted for Reagan, Bush, Dole, and Bush. Last election I was so disillusioned with you, I voted for Obama. This year neither one of the main candidates will get my vote, and let me tell you why.

I am a middle-class, white collar businessman and have been for 20 years. I watched through the latest crisis how the people that bankroll you and you pass laws for have absolutely destroyed the economy in this country. Offshoring, outsourcing, downsizing, rightsizing, securitization; all doctrines used in the name of "shareholder value" that have eviscerated the middle class and eliminated entire industries. I have seen friends' careers destroyed, neighborhoods laid waste, and whole communities suffer all for a little more EPS. These people you take your orders from are criminal and traitors and should all be behind bars, some of you included.

I am a technophile. Oil is a dead-end technology. Stop trying to squeeze a drop of blood from that stone and come up with a strategic approach to energy independence. Electric, solar, wind, geothermal, and nuclear are all methods of generating DOMESTIC energy. They will create investment and jobs. Stop whipping up the uneducated against electric cars and high-speed trains. These are mature technologies that can immediately stop sending our money to overseas despots that absolutely hate us. A portion of every dollar you send overseas makes dead American soldiers. Which leads me to...

I am former military, the son of immigrants, and member of the NRA. My family came to this country for freedom and opportunity because America was the land where you could do anything you dreamed. You have corrupted that. I have been to too many military funerals and memorial ceremonies for good young men who died overseas, and for what? Why are we over there, anywhere? No one wants us there anymore, including our hosts. Bring the boys home, close the bases, DEFEND America instead of these militaristic junkets you support so rabidly. We have a military that is larger exponentially than our nearest enemy. It is unnecessary and wasteful. Stop giving money to our adversaries in foreign aid and focus on rebuilding this country.

On that same note, I am a patriot, and the TSA and "Homeland Security" are an abomination. I could quote Jefferson, Franklin, Adams, Washington, or Hamilton here but it's pointless. You know them, but you either ignore them or twist them for your own ends. The founding fathers would be rising up themselves today if they could see how the Constitution has been indefinitely detained itself. The PATRIOT Act, NDAA, and all of the bastard children of those laws need to stop. It actually turns my stomach now when the word "security" comes on any news report, which is about a dozen times an hour. You are making Americans fearful which will be our downfall.

Additionally, the War on Drugs is lost. Legalize, tax, regulate, and provide treatment. Every country who has done this is light years ahead of us in terms of bringing this under control. Then again without a militarized police force you are unable to keep the populace in line as easily.

I am white. I have no fear of other races, cultures, creeds, or nationalities. I do business with muslims, Pakistanis, Israelis, Chinese, Mexicans, Germans, English, Japanese, and of course Americans. They are all people just like me. I have served with many of those people, had relationships with all races and cultures, and am friends with anyone who is a good person. Holding any ethnic group responsible for the actions of a few is reprehensible and anytime I hear about "the muslims" in a general negative light, you shift me further away.

I am Catholic. And I don't CARE about abortion, contraception, or gay marriage as political issues. Abortion is a lost issue (see Roe v. Wade). If you get it back in front of the Supreme Court, then talk about it. It's polarizing and no good comes from talking about it. Contraception as a political issue? Are you kidding me? And gay marriage? What's the value in even discussing that? Who cares what people do in their own homes? Whatever happened to the separation of church and state?. Education costs are out of control. Healthcare is unattainable for many. Unemployment is sky-high. These are the issues you should be addressing. Bill Clinton, whom I detest, had one thing right for certain: "It's the economy, stupid".

Your field of candidates is functionally insane in my opinion. I voted Obama last time because the idea McCain/Palin in office scared the shit out of me. Romney? Santorum? Gingrich? This is the best you can put forward? Until you take a rational position on any of the above and start focusing on what's good for the country as a whole, you have lost my vote. My only hope is that enough of my fellow citizens, both Democrat and Republican take the same stance.

My Life As a Dog...Owner, Part Deux

Remember when I owned a dog again? Me neither.

Rufus Wagwright (nee Tony) has been returned to his owner who was very grateful to have him. The owner who is apparently sweet to him and doesn't do any of the things he was purported to do by some huge rando guy the owner doesn't know. What a weird situation.

In some ways, I am happy about this. Okay, in almost all ways. Tony is incredibly energetic and was starting to stress me out! I liken the experience to any time I get all baby/dog crazy...borrow someone else's for a day. After a good 24 hours of putting up with someone else's ____ without that maternal (paternal for the fellas) instinct that activates when you wonder why you reproduced/adopted in the first place and reminds you that ___ is yours= GOOD birth control.

I admit that with an entity relying upon me for life, I was getting a little anxious and feeling a little less free. Maybe I am too selfish to be a mom? Do some moms wonder this too? Maybe I should have gotten knocked up before I became all self-aware. Wow - this blog got all free associated in a hurry. Thanks, Freud. Back to the thing that's funny...

The good news is that Tony is home with his rightful owner. Bryan (my roommate) stopped by to talk to his owner and orchestrated the exchange once he got the "he is not a psycho dog beater" nod of approval. The owner was SO grateful for our (read: my) good care of Tony (he got a freaking bath yesterday, 20 minutes of fetch, a martini pedi/mani/facial/massage) that he offered to reward us. With cash. Because Bryan is gainfully employed, he denied the offer. If it were me in Bryan's shoes, I would have already replaced my lost APA Manual. Just sayin'.

Instead of money, the owner suggested we visit his place of employment - VIP access, free everything!

"Awesome, Bryan! Where is it?"

"The Yellow Rose"

"Like the place where girls dance nakies?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

As my sister's boyfriend noted, no good deed goes unpunished.

Moral of the story: If you want VIP access to a strip club, save (steal) someone else's dog and then pretend you are the hero for rescuing it from its happy life for no reason.

Instructional Quickie

Found this article on LinkedIn this morning. It's a really nice treatise on teaching. If you are writing a teaching philosophy, consider some of these ideas.

http://www.linkedin.com/news?actionBar=&articleID=5572116390363533322&ids=e30Pc3wTdPcTcjcRd34OczsRdiMOczcPcPkPdzcMejcScj4OdPkRb3wSejsMcj0Oc34IcjoMd34PcP4Ue38VdjgVdPoRdiMSd3wUc30QdjgOcPgQcPgVdzkR&aag=true&freq=weekly&trk=eml-tod2-b-sum-3&ut=3l7qbDseIHZ541

Dear Deer

Well, I have to say 2012 has brought a host of new experiences and this is perhaps not the most pleasant of them. Nonetheless, it happened and I have to share it. Thems the rules.

Jason and I attended a friend's birthday (Happy birthday, Rebecca!) and drove home separately. At this point, I am trailing him in my car. And scene.

We were heading down a fairly empty, mainly residential road when I see a brown cat in my periphery. Hmm, maybe not a cat...I see a dog. Nope, not a dog either. Uh oh, that's a deer. Make that three of them. On the run. And. They. Are. Heading. For. Jason's...crunch...oh god.

Apparently, 2012 is not the year of the deer. Jason immediately pulls into the median and I follow. In between our vehicles is the unfortunate writhing doe. I think I am screaming inside and possible on the outside, too. The idiot in me wants to pet it and sprinkle some glitter on it. It seemed to work for one of the Disney princesses, I think. The pragmatist wants to get it help, so I call 911. It went a little something like this:

911: "This is 911 Emergency Services. What is the emergency?"

Me: "Um, we, I mean...he...I mean...umm, a deer was hit."

911: "Where are you?"

Me: "Manchaca and Davis, well just south of Davis."

911: "Is the deer dead? Is anyone hurt?"

Me: "Errrr...the deer is missing some fur and it's leg is...wait! It's trying to get up. You can do it, deer! Ohhh noooo, it fell down again. Oh geez, c'mon deer. Get up! GET UP! You can...it's up! Wait, it's...NO! It's running into traffic again. No deer, RUNNNN! Why are you going that way?!?! DEEER!"

911: "M'am?"

Me: "I think it ran away."

911: "I will send someone out, just in case."

Me: "Good, I am nervous it won't find it's family again. You see, it had a family of two other..."

911: "Ummm, yeahhh... Thanks for trying to help it."

Me: "GAH!"

Trembling and on the brink of tears, Jason wraps his coat around me and I ask if it will be okay. "Well, yeah. It's, uhhh...it's totally fine. It ran off. Didn't you see that?" Me: "I am not ten. Give me a realistic percentage here."

When we get home, I tell Jason we need to send it a prayer because it's possible we killed a deer. He gave me a quizzical look and I replied that we are a team. If he killed a deer, I killed a deer. His response is the reason I felt compelled to blog.

"Jaimie, do you not think I wasn't praying that entire time? 'Oh god, oh god, don't hit the deer. Oh god, oh god, I hit the deer. Oh god, don't let Jaimie see I hit the deer. Oh god, she saw it. Oh god, don't let the deer be hurt. Oh god, it's hurt. Oh god, don't let Jaimie be sad. Oh god, she's sad.' "

"Well, we need to pray for it now, just in case it, um... Give me your hands."

(I clasp his hands in mine)

"Dear Deer. (giggles) Be serious! Okay, we are sorry we hurt and possibly killed you. If you are hearing this, you are probably dead so we hope you are not hearing this. I wanted to pet you and said you looked sad and Jason said 'Haven't you ever heard the expression doe eyes? They all look sad!' Still, we are sorry if you are sad. We are sorry for taking a patch of you fur from your butt. We hope if you live that the bald place on your butt is not cold. Please do not run into the street again if you are still alive. Also, if you are now a ghost please do not haunt Jaimie. She didn't hit you, Jason did. Amen."

In all seriousness, I think it *might* be okay. This is possibly the most traumatic thing I have ever seen - it really was awful. Blame my regional upbringing - there are not many deer hittin' the clubs in south Florida. If I were a midwest girl, I would have been better equipped to handle this. Alas, sweet deer, I hope you are okay. /pet

2 things cracking me up today

1. I watched Toddlers & Tiaras out of morbid curiosity (the horror, the horror). There were 6 month olds on display and I swear the announcer said "Taylor's favorite food is...formula." Smack forehead. Hard. Also, don't watch that show unless you have Prozac handy.

2. This! Click to enlarge. It's a reddit thread from someone who was bored and posted their # on Facebook to mess with his friends.