Hoarding by any other name...let's not kid ourselves

Once upon a time, a girl lived in her sister's house. For three years. Without her sister in it. It soon became her house, but she was blessed with the belongings of past inhabitants. Five years worth of things like "Kiss me, I'm Irish" twinkle lights and 7 bottles of Febreze.  Interestingly, the girl had never purchased a bottle of Febreze in her life and found an aisle's worth under several sinks. She is also not Irish.

So, the time came for the girl to pack up her home and become Jess, Zooey Dechanel's character from New Girl. Minus the amazing hair and vintage wardrobe, this is essentially me:

In order to raid the couch of three sweet, accommodating boys, I have to box my belongings. Even though there are many items that are not mine, there are also several that I cannot blame on anyone else. Like the 37 wrought iron candle holders and 67 picture frames. And more wicker baskets than any single person should have in a 1,700 sq. ft. space. Those are all me.

Now, deep in the red cells of the Krause blood lies a special condition which, like teen pregnancy, has been slightly romanticized in today's society. Yes, I'm referring to hoarding. Not like dead cats stashed behind the tv hoarder (did you see that episode too? AWFUL), but more like Idon'thavethatexactshadeofpalepinknailpolishandit'sonsale hoarding.  

The extent to which I may or may not hoard isn't as important as the degree to which travel-sized tissue packages flood my sizable array of toiletries. The worst part? I don't even use them. Tissues - yes, I use those. Travel-sized packages? Where did these come from?? Who am I? Have you seen my baseball?

Maybe my fiance thinks I am a hoarder. Maybe he has set up tests opportunities for me to rid myself of items such as the delightfully whimsical throw pillows that perfectly matched my guest room bedding by giving them to my housekeeper. Just to see what I would do. Well, I will have you know - philanthropist that I am (minus that whole wealth component) - I am quite generous with my belongings. In fact, I have invited many people over in hopes of redistributing the wealth. In fact, I ought to be named the Robin Hood of our generation. See? My collecting just needed some slight reframing. Now I am a hero. With a few extra flower pots. Like 20.