All She Wants To Do Is Dance: My Acceptance Speech

My Acceptance Speech

I would first like to thank the individuals who found themselves on this strange land we call Espana for making this trip possible. I would like to thank the Federal Government for my interest-free student loans which funded the majority of my trip. I would like to thank my father for funding the other portion of my trip. I would like to thank the asshole who stole my passport, and I would like to let this person know that he or she is going to get diagnosed with a very uncomfortable, but curable STD in the next month for their mean decision (a-because I clearly have the power to make this happen, but b- I do not, as it happens, have an STD-it’s all about who you know). I would like to thank Venessa for having the wisdom to tell the airport police that we were related so I did not get deported upon discovery of stolen passport. I would like to thank Nancy for her intuitive foresight and suggesting that we scan our passports into our laptops. I would also like to thank Nancy for navigating every map and subway system in Spain. I would like to thank the kind janitor who gave us travel instructions and held his laughter regarding my miscommunication (Jaimie: I need “to work “ in Toledo--instead of “to travel” to Toldeo) until I was out of audio range. I would like to thank Venessa and Antonio for welcoming us into their multiple homes and their patience as we camped out in their living room. I would like to thank Antonio’s wireless internet card for connecting me with the cyber-world in a far away land. I would like to thank Antonio’s mom for designing meals to meet my highly discriminating culinary needs. I would like to thank Ana for baking the 9.5 donuts I consumed upon their suspicion of me having an eating disorder. I would next like to thank the system by which the rest of the world measures things like weight and the scale I stood upon which read only 2 numbers after consuming said donuts. I would like to thank Jesus for giving sculptors, artists, and builders a reason to create the cathedrals we visited, and inspiring so many artists to pay homage to his life. I would like to thank the airport staff at Madrid for locating the faulty airplane rudder prior to departure on our return flight. I would like to thank Meaghan, Danielle, Bobby, and Katie for caring for my precious canine during my various travels. I would like to thank Skylar for not committing suicide so I have a pretty, black furball to which I can come home. I would like to thank Antonio’s friends for throwing me into the Mediterranean Sea in my clothing. I would like to thank the staff at Subway in Mojacar for feeding me their food with a twist (Cream of Mushroom chips), speaking to me in English, and sharing their thyroid stories with me, trumping my own experience (HIS scar was 5 inches long!). I would like to thank Alden for leading me to my 2 favorite meals in Spain (churros y chocolate and a mostly vegetarian salad buffet). I would like to thank the 70 year old man who decided it would be a good idea to kiss me on the mouth and make gestures to my figure. I would then like to thank the subsequent mouthwash and confession booth available to me. I would like to thank the Red Cross at the fiesta for repairing Nancy’s foot so we could continue to party clear into the next day. I would like to thank Jackie Spiker for ignoring the 18 announcements ...wait, 19… made on her behalf during our flight delay at the Madrid airport. I would like to thank the little shit holding the fluorescent green water gun in Alcala who decided to offer me an unsolicited respite from the heat. I would like to thank Venessa’s baby Daniel for allowing me to christen him with the following nicknames: Stinker, Gremlin, and Puppy and for dancing with me multiple times during the trip against his apparent will. I would like to thank all of the smokers in Spain (if there are 3,456 residents, then 3, 456 residents smoke) for infusing my perfectly healthy lungs with second and third-hand smoke damage and my subsequent emphysema diagnosis. I would like to thank Venessa’s 14 year old sister Rosie for allowing me to treat her like my own personal Barbie doll. I would like to thank Rosie’s parents in advance for allowing me to enrich her repertoire of information regarding such topics as: The Birds and the Bees, fashion, grooming, relationships with family and boys, college, majors, careers, music, song lyrics, books, travel, movies, dancing, communicating, eating (do it), exercise, beach attire, drinking (what not to do) and for not getting mad at me for doing so. I would like to thank the spell check function on my laptop for allowing me to correctly spell the word repertoire. I would like to thank Danielle and Nancy for their electric socket converters and Spain for being difficult in the first place. I would like to thank the air vent in Madrid for properly introducing my American panties to the passers-by on that busy street corner. I would like to thank that bronzed statue I was admiring in the park who winked at me and made me scream. I would like to thank those who followed my blog and pretended to be interested in my rantings (all one of you). I would like to thank Dave and Bobby for my rides to and from the airport, respectively. I would like to thank my luggage for not buckling under the weight of severe over-packing. I would like to thank the airport personnel who made me check and re-check my Mediterranean Sea rocks and their silent accusations of my plans with those rocks on the plane. I would then like to thank the airlines for losing my luggage, then finding 2/3 of it and delivering it with broken wines bottles inside, and one bag still at large.